Hymns

I go to a church service that has contemporary music. And I love it. I love the feel of contemporary music, I love being in a room worshiping with other people, I love the freedom that comes from having the words on a screen and just singing your hearts out. 

That being said, there is something so beautiful to me about old hymns. I grew up a Methodist, in a very traditional church. One where the organ was played every Sunday and we sang our hymns out of the old Cokesbury hymnal. Hymns have always been an important part of my faith. They're what I sang at church camp, what we heard on the Walk to Emmaus, what my Poppa sang as he puttered about the house. 

When my grandmother passed away a few weeks ago we sang Here I am Lord and There's Something About  that Name at her funeral and I was filled with a sense of peace. There is something so moving to me about singing something that has been sung for hundreds of years by other believers and while it is not the way I choose to worship every Sunday, hymns will always hold a very dear place in my heart. 

This week for my small group, we were asked to pick a song that really meant something to us. That helped us in our times of sorrow, that encouraged us and that lifted us up. A 100 songs came to mind and it was very hard for me to pick just one because I love music and it has been a very integral part to my faith journey. 

As I sat thinking about what to pick and what song really describes how I feel about Jesus, I kept coming back to Come Thou Fount. It's a very old song and one that I've been singing my whole life. 

It also has (IMO) one of the most profound lines of all time: 

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love.

Here's my heart oh take and seal it. Seal it for thy courts above. 

Gives me the chills every time I hear it. Maybe that's because to me, it speaks of the struggles that every believer faces and God's unchanging mercy toward all of us. 

Here's my favorite artist in the whole world, Sufjan Stevens, singing Come Thou Fount. 

Oh the horror.

 If you do not want to read about bra shopping, please stop here.......

....So, I went to Victoria's Secret yesterday. You know, because pregnant ladies gain some weight and everything tends to enlarge quite a bit. I'm talking to this sales girl who is very friendly but like 20 years old and a size 2. I explain to her the situation, 30 weeks pregnant, boobs getting bigger etc. She looks at me and calls over 2 other 20 year old size 2 gals to help.

Long story short we all wind up a in a dressing room. And I endure about 15 minutes of being half undressed looking like some aquatic mammal with 3 curious college girls saying things like "I've never fitted a pregnant lady before!", "How important is a push-up bra to you?" and  "You look like you're really uncomfortable."

Yes, little girl. Yes, I am uncomfortable. I was once like you. Little and giggly, thinking 30 year old pregnant ladies were the oldest thing that I had ever encountered. But now, I am a sea cow. Sincerely wanting to talk to someone who understands the things that happen to you physically when you are pregnant....or at least to some girl who is maybe even a little chubby. Alas, I am here in a dressing room with 3 girlies who have never weighed more than 110 lbs, standing in front of a mirror that says "STRIP" on it in big bright pink letters.

Whoever said pregnancy was a beautiful thing deserves to be punched in the throat.

Manatee out.

Little Miracles

Found this blog called The Aisle to Aloha that is super sweet.
http://aisletoaloha.blogspot.com/2012/01/waiting.html

But what really got me was this gals blog post about PCOS and infertility. Totally had me in tears. (of course, everything makes me cry these days..) When I first got diagnosed with PCOS almost 2 1/2 years ago they wanted me to start taking meds and to do fertility treatments but, I didn't feel like that was the right course of action for me. So, instead I started taking better care of myself and totally at random, completely out of the blue I wound up pregnant this summer.

My doctor said the whole thing was miraculous. I agree. When I found out I was pregnant, I remember just sitting on the floor of my bathroom crying and praying. I was scared, it wasn't in the plan, and there were a lot of other things going on in our lives. But, the fact that I was even able to get pregnant was amazing. I remember sitting there on the floor nervous but overwhelmed by grace.

There have been many moments that have taken my breath away over the course of the last few years. Moments that no one can explain, that seem impossible or improbable. This week I had a doctors appointment that was unpleasant. Dylan couldn't go with me and I haven't seen a lot of him over the course of the last couple of weeks because he works full time and goes to school and has been terribly busy. I left that appointment feeling really alone and down. I got in my car and checked my voicemail. A friend that I hadn't spoken to in several months had called, saying that she was praying and all of a sudden I came to her mind, and she wanted me to know that I was loved, that she felt like I might be distressed at that moment and that everything was going to be ok. She didn't know I had a doctors appointment, or that I was there by myself, or that my whole week had been pretty craptastic up to that point. She was simply in prayer and I was put on her heart.

That my friends, is what I call the perfect timing of the divine. It's never when I think it should be, it's never how I think it will look, but it's so clearly of God that I can't help but to just sit in awe of the one who created me.

Thankful today for those little miraculous moments that sustain me and show me just how much I am loved.

Good intentions and some fun pregnancy facts

There is this cutie cute girl I found on Pinterest who has a precious blog and some of the cutest maternity pics I have ever seen. All the cuteness can be found here: http://littlebabygarvin.blogspot.com/

I was going to take a picture every week of this pregnancy…I had good intentions. But, then I lost our camera and now I just keep forgetting. Oops. In my defense, if I looked as good as the pregnant gal in the blog I mentioned above I'm pretty sure I'd be down for documenting more stuff. 

Alas, I look more like this:

But there's something cute and non-picture related that she does, where every few weeks she posts what's going on in her pregnancy, how she feels, and what she wants to eat. I can do that!

Fun Pregnancy Facts

 How far along? 27 weeks

Total weight gain: ummmm, let's lie and go with 10 lbs

Maternity clothes?  Maternity leggings are the best thing that have ever happened to me. I also love the Be Bump thing where you wear it over your regular unbuttoned jeans and nothing weird hangs out. Super awesome.  Still in some of my normal shirts and dresses. Really wish it was colder here so that I could wear my Ugg’s all the time. Seriously, it’s like wearing slippers to work.

Stretch marks? None. Yet. I slept on some wrinkled sheets the other day and woke up in a panic because the creased sheets left marks on my skin and I thought 10 stretch marks had randomly shown up overnight.

Sleep: Meh. Depends on the night.

Best moment this week: This really sweet lady I work with prayed for Lily. Like laid hands on me and prayed for Lily. To say that I cried for 2 hours after that would be an understatement.

Miss Anything? Size 6 pants. I had just bought some before I got pregnant. Also, running, ccccoooooffffeeeee, and normal sized bras.

Movement: She moves. A lot. Today after I ate something spicy it felt like she roundhouse kicked me.

Food cravings: Goat cheese, anything berry related, ate a whole sleeve of Thin Mints last night, milk, bananas and snow peas.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Too much perfume or cologne. Barf.

Gender: Girl

Labor Signs: No

Symptoms: Heartburn and some other stuff that's not polite to discuss on the inter-web.

Belly Button in or out? in

Wedding rings on or off? on/off. At night, after I take a shower my hands seem to swell a lot, so I take them off and then put them back on in the mornings.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Kinda pissed and forgetful. 

Looking forward to: Getting to know Lily’s little personality. Will she be terribly stubborn like both of us? Will she be easy going? Will she like to read and think that her taste in music is better than everyone else’s? 

Can't wait to meet her. 

Where my heart is.

If this is true than my heart today is with: goat cheese, a Parisian vacation, blackberries, and Ryan Gosling.

Not too shabby.

Tina Fey is Smart

A Mother's Prayer for Her Child 

By: Tina Fey

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches. 

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty. When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer. 

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, dammit. May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers. 

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait. O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed. And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it. 

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes. 

Amen

-Tina Fey

Pregnancy Rage & Other Fun Stuff

Like 3 people today have told me that I have that pregnancy glow....little do they know that I just didn't shower this morning and "that pregnancy glow" is just oiliness.

I am 26 weeks today. Only 12 -14 more weeks to go! I have friends who have talked about how much they loved being pregnant...I am not sure if these people are crazy or just liars. Maybe both? It could be that they are telling the truth and that I am just not a good pregnant person. I tend to not enjoy peeing 1,000 times a day, shopping for clothes that for some odd reason designed for 75 year olds, even though said clothes are sold at maternity stores, having my precious future child kick me in the bladder all day long, having no temperature control at all, getting Orca whale sized and having people comment mercilessly on my physical appearance.

This weekend I had lots of comments. Two were on the opposite ends of the spectrum so, they have left me feeling confused.

Comment 1: You don't look 6 months pregnant at all!

Comment 2: Are you sure you're not pregnant with twins?


I wasn't sure how to respond to either of them, so I just smiled politely and in my mind kicked these folks in the shins.


Have I mentioned that my pregnant lady rage is acting up?  I am pretty chill about 99% of the time when I am not carrying a baby. However, for the last few weeks I have flown off the handle about 10 times. The last pregnant lady rage related event was the worst. Dylan and I went out to eat at a restaurant here in town on Saturday night that we always have bad customer service at (I'm lookin at you, Bostons).

But, alas Dylan wanted to watch the football game. So, we went to this place because of their sports bar and super huge tv's. We were seated by a hostess and proceeded to wait for literally 15 minutes. No one came by the table to get out drink orders, no one even said "Hey we are busy, it'll be just a minute" nothing.

Eventually we got up to leave. As we were walking out the same hostess who sat us told me to "have a great night"... and then the pregnancy rage awakened within me and I yelled something along the lines of "Little girl, we sat here for 15 minutes and no one helped us at all, so no, we will not have a good night!"  Dylan, was trying to shove me out the door and was saying things like "calm down" and "it's not her fault this place sucks". Which just made my pregnant lady rage flair up even more.


I am officially scary. I literally have no control over my emotions. One moment I am fine, the next  I am yelling at some poor 16 year old hostess who had braces and her lip pierced...I mean seriously, doesn't her lip ring catch on her braces? She obviously has enough problems without me unleashing on her.

I cannot wait to have Lily. To not be a nutcase anymore, to regain control over my emotions, bladder, and balance, to regain my patience and ability to self regulate.
12-14 more weeks.